On With The Insanity!
by Sagan Fox
Summary: A trip to the future goes horribly wrong... This will be a crossover fic eventually.


AN:  Hidey hodey fanfic fans!  Gotta love that alliteration...  Dear god what have I done....I'm writing Excel Saga fic...I must have been brainwashed by Puchuus...  Anywho, this here be my first Excel Saga fic, and probably not my last.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...  The idea for this fic came up during lunch conversation with my fellow anime-crazed friends.  That should be a warning to proceed with caution right there...  Anywho, many thankies to my beta readers and brainstormers Discordia and EarFetishGirl, and to my new beta reader in training for whom I do not have a nickname yet.  I'll think of one eventually, dear, and I don't wanna give out your real name.  Check out the fanfic of Discordia, the Goddess of Irony.  Tis very good.  I beta read it myself!  Ok, there's my non-paid promo for the day.  Remember, flame me and you will be met with a berserking author clothed only in flame rushing at you with a katana.  That isn't a pretty sight, folks.  Anyways, on with the insanity!

Oh yeah...Excel Saga isn't mine.  It's Koshi Rikdo's.  Blame him.  

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      We join our hero in her morning salute at the super-secret ACROSS base.  Hand held high in the air, senior agent Excel Excel hails her fearless leader, Lord Ilpalazzo.

      "Lord Ilpalazzo, I, your senior agent Excel, am here to serve you unconditionally, unwaveringly, unquestioningly until the day I die, and even then I'll come back as a ghost and carry out your orders!  I'll brave deepest snow, harshest rain, hottest sun, lukewarmest cloudy days, and even the all-consuming fires of hell for you my great Lord Ilpalazzo, and then I'll come back until you love me FOREVER until the day we die and spend eternity in blissful loving blissful love or get reincarnated into new bodies and fall in love over and over and over—"

      "Good morning, Lord Ilpalazzo, sir."

      Ilpalazzo turned his attention from the hyperactive blonde to gaze at her frail cohort.  

      "Good morning, Hyatt.  I trust this morning finds you well?"

      "Yes, sir.  Thank you for asking, sir.  And you, sir, are you well?"

      "Very well, thank you Hyatt.  I—"

      He was cut off when she collapsed to the floor.  Excel stopped her usual morning rant and began to perform CPR on Hyatt.

      "Hat-chan!  You can't die on me!  Quite defying natural laws of life and death and get your ass back up!"

      Hyatt coughed, and her eyes fluttered back open.  "Yes, senior agent Excel."

      "Excel!" snapped Lord Ilpalazzo.

      Excel snapped back to attention in salute.

      "Yes, Lord Ilpalazzo, sir!"

      "This world is corrupt!  We the secret ideological organization of ACROSS must bring an end to the corruption.  No doubt in the future we will have conquered F City, and then the world, to rid this planet of all corruption.  Excel—"

      "Yes, sir!"

      "I have convinced The Great Will of the Macrocosm to take you forward in time.  You are to bring back a piece of technology from the future that we can use in the present to make the present like that future before the time this present originally became that future."

      "How the hell did you convince The Will to do that?" she mused.

      The Great Will of the Macrocosm suddenly burst in holding a stack of photographs.  She began shouting "Oh thank you Lord Ilpalazzo!  I will do whatever you wish!  How ever did you find these naked pictures of Mr. Pedro?!"

      The pale man shuddered, "You don't want to know.  Excel!"

      She snapped to attention.  "Yes sir!"

      "Do you understand your mission?"

      "No, not really sir, but I will blindly obey!  I will go to the future!  Come on, Emergency Food Supply Dog Menchi!"  She grabbed Menchi from her hiding spot behind a fountain and broke into a run toward the sentient field of stars.

      "Come on, Menchi!  Let's gooooooooooooo!" she screamed as she dove into the expanses of infinity, hurtling toward an unknown but probably hilarious future.

      After watching her leave, Lord Ilpalazzo rose from his throne and stalked toward Hyatt.  Enveloping her is his flowing cloak, he swept her off her feet and into his arms.  

      "Did you remember the sensual oils?"

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Fini. For now...muahahahahahaha!  Oh, and if anyone who happens to still be paying attention who also reads Cowboy Bebop fanfiction, I'll get around to updating my "Damn It Ed!" fanfic eventually.  Sayonara for now!


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